Busted yet Blessed

Linda Guteres4 Comments

“Hurry! We have guests!” shouted Sarah as she rushed into the tent. Sarah looked as she felt, anxious and harried as she began to fill Abraham’s request.

The three visitors seemed to have come out of thin air. The way Abraham was acting told Sarah they must be important. As Abraham began to wash their feet, Sarah began to cook.

The yeasty aroma reached her nose as Sarah’s thoughts returned to the three men. She kneaded the bread. Punch. Fold. Roll. Who were they? Where did they come from? A little more flour, punch. Fold. Roll. What did they want with us?

Abraham brought the prepared calf into the tent and took a moment to look at his wife. His thoughts rolled through the many years with this beautiful, faithful woman. How could he have been so richly blessed?

“Sarah, please let me know when this meat is ready to be served to our guests.” Sarah responded, “Of course my lord.” With a playful gleam in her eye she asked, “Will you be telling these men I’m your wife or your sister?” They both smiled remembering old times together under very different circumstances. Abraham gently touched her elbow and gave her a peck on the cheek.

As Abraham left the tent, Sarah put the bread into the oven for baking. She jerked the handle of the wooden paddle causing the bread pans to slide. At the same time she heard her name, as clear as a bell; they were talking about her.

The question was asked, “Where is your wife Sarah?”

Where did they think she was? In Timbuktu? Of course she was in the tent, who else was going to feed them?

The question acted as a rope pulling her towards the door. She wanted to hear more. Eavesdropping? No! Indignantly she thought she was just “overhearing” a conversation. Since they were discussing her, why shouldn’t she listen?

Sarah continued to move closer.

“Where is your wife, Sarah?” Well at least they knew she was Abraham’s wife and not his sister!

Abraham responded, “There, in the tent,” as he lifted his hand to show which one.

It was then Sarah heard the most hilarious statement of her life. “I will surely return to you about this time next year and Sarah your wife will have a son.”

Forgetting where she was, Sarah burst out laughing. “Are you kidding me?” she thought. “After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?” Sarah continued to laugh and then began to compose herself as the conversation continued.

“Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child now that I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son.”

Ice ran through her veins as Sarah’s cheeks began to flush. She realized these men, these very important men, caught her. They heard her laughter. She was busted.

Sarah did what most of us would do. She lied and said, “I did not laugh.”

It was then the man looked at her. The man with eyes that seemed to look into her heart. The eyes that knew her story. The eyes that knew her deep desire to have a child. Those eyes that saw into her very being replied, “Yes, you did laugh.”

Sarah had no response. He knew.

Embarrassed, Sarah returned to the tent to finish the meal. For the rest of the visit, Sarah remained quiet and away from the group of four as they conversed about heavenly things. After a time the visitors left and Abraham returned to the tent.

Knowing his wife, Abraham came to Sarah and just hugged her.

“Do you believe him?” Sarah asked.

Abraham replied, seeming confused, “Believe who about what?” It was obvious that Abraham had other things on his mind.

“Typical man! Didn’t you hear what that man said? He said we will have a son by next year. Do you believe him?” Sarah asked.

Playfully Abraham replied, “Sarah, we talked about many things today, not just that.” As Abraham began to play with a lock of Sarah’s hair, he began to stroke the shoulder of his wife of many years. Abraham simply said, “Yes, I do believe him.” He began to kiss her.

Sarah began to question, “Why do you believe him? What else did they say?”

Sarah’s mouth was covered with kisses from the man she had lived with for most of her life. No more questions were asked that night.

Her answer came about a year later when her son, Isaac was born.

“By faith, Abraham, even though he was past age-and Sarah herself was barren-was enabled to become a father because he considered him faithful who had made the promise. And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore. Hebrews 11:11-12 NIV”

Out of Time

Linda Guteres5 Comments

time

My friend was killed this week.

I remember when he chased my sister through her house with a garden snake; it was hysterical!  I remember when he was a bouncer at a local bar and kept an eye on my sister and I while we danced.  I remember when my husband and I were having lunch at a diner 2 hours away from our home, looked out the window, and he was there.

He and his then finance’ were on their way to visit her daughter at college. Funny, it was the same time of the year then as it is now. We invited them to eat with us.  We caught up on old times and dreamed about times to be as we drenched delicious French fries in ketchup and wiped burger juice from our chins.  This happenstance meeting has been etched in my memory because of his parting words.  He said, “I want what you guys have.  Family. Love.  A long-time relationship.”

At one point of his life, he was with the wrong crowd and wound up doing 18 months in a prison in upstate New York.   I wrote to him often trying to keep in contact, encouraging him, and giving him hope for when he completed his sentence.  When Christmas came around I asked everyone I knew to send him a Christmas card at the jail. How lonely it must be in prison.  Hearing from his friends brought up his spirits and covering the walls of his cell with Christmas cards brought him joy.

His life turned around when he got out.  He got a job with a local tree trim contractor, got married, and was surrounded by people who seemed to love and respect him.  A few Christmas’ ago, we met friends at a local pub.  He and about 10 members of his family were there and he looked great!  He was retired, having a blast, enjoying his family and seemed to be very happy.

A few short months ago, he posted on Facebook that he was leaving his family and moving to Florida.

Last Tuesday, he was shot and killed.

I don’t know why. I don’t know the circumstances. Honestly, does it matter?  It really doesn’t.  What matters is if he knew Jesus or not.  Is he in heaven or hell?

Maybe the “thing” he saw in Rob and I was Jesus.  Maybe the piece of our lives he wanted was the security of our Savior.  Maybe the Christmas cards he got in jail had messages of hope, joy and the love of Christ.

Just maybe.

I can only pray that he accepted our Lord’s gift of grace.

I can only hope.

Linda GutereOctober, 2016

Just Ask

Linda Guteres6 Comments

I have a confession to make. I am obsessed with cat videos.

Maybe you have seen them? If you haven’t, you don’t know what you’re missing!  These snippets of movies show cats attempting to jump onto a windowsill and missing, chasing their own tail, trying to catch bubbles floating on a computer screen, and cats just being their own curious selves.

These short videos make me smile and prick my heart to adopt another cat.  You see, I already have one cat and her name is Abigail.

Abigail’s temperament is typical of a Siamese cat; she is very vocal and has lots of attitude. She always seems to be “yelling” at me for food, to go out, or to come back inside.  Very rarely does she come to me to cuddle and this is something I want from a cat.

As these hysterical videos moved across my computer screen, I wrestled with the idea of adding another feline to our family.  Should I or shouldn’t I, that is the question.

Small and seemingly insignificant as it was, I finally decided to lay my request at the feet of my Father. I prayed, God, I would like to have another cat.  If it be Your will, would you please bless us with a kitten?  The prayer continued until I said, Amen.

My husband got up to get a drink and within seconds he returned to say, “Lin, you’re not going to believe this.  A small white kitten just ran across the back deck!”

After the initial shock wore off I screamed, “Why didn’t I ask for a million dollars?”

James 4:2b-3 (ESV)  You do not have, because you do not ask. 

Why am I surprised when God gives me what I ask for? Our Father in Heaven, Creator of the Universe who owns the cattle on a thousand hills wants to flood our store houses with His goodness.  I continually underestimate God’s willingness not only give me what I need but also to give me what I want.

All I have to do is to ask.

Matthew 7:7-11 (ESV) 7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. 9 Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? 11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

I cannot grasp that the Creator of the Universe cares about my every whim. God wants to rain down blessings upon me even though I am unworthy of these gifts.

Why do I continually forget this?

Truthfully, I don’t want a million dollars.  We never saw the kitten again and the pang of adopting a cat has passed.  My heartfelt desire is to know and respond to the will of my Father, for my faith to overflow into every aspect of my life, to do the work Jesus sets before me, and to have an unquenchable thirst to know Him more.

May I have the boldness to ask for it.

 

Linda Guteres

August 2016

Garbage

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One of the clients I worked for had a recycling yard which is a nice name for a garbage dump.   The amount of garbage brought in to the yard every day amazed me. One huge truck after another drove in to dump their contents in the yard. The garbage was sorted, loaded, and shipped out to yet another yard. Load after load, day after day, week after week; garbage is dumped, sorted, loaded and shipped.

The funny thing is that the piles never seemed to get smaller. You would think after awhile people would run out of garbage or the loads shipped out would somehow be more than what came in.

I remember when my life felt just like a garbage yard. Load after load of “junk” was delivered including health issues, financial burdens, raising sons, and trying to keep home somewhat in order felt like truck load after truck load of stuff dumped on top of me.

I felt buried under a sea of stress. The piles heaped on my shoulders where heavy and weighed me down.  I tried to claw my way to the top of the heap, but never reached the surface. Life seemed utterly hopeless.  I had to give up, throw in the towel, raise the white flag and surrender.

God sorts through all of the garbage we have piled up in our lives and takes it away to reveal the beauty He knows lives within our souls. Regardless of the sin, deception, pain, or fear, God sees Jesus who is rooted in our heart. All God wants from us is to relinquish our control to Him; to allow Him to move the trash out and His love in.

May all of our garbage heaps be moved, reduced, and compacted by our Lord Jesus Christ.

Linda Guteres

 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Bound Up

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My kisses were magic when my boys were young. Well, at least they thought they were. My kisses worked as though they had a soothing balm in them. Whether it was a cut finger, bumped head or leg, or even the occasional time when their feelings were hurt, a kiss from Mommy was all it took for them to calm down and the hurt disappear.

Fast forward 20 years and now my sons think mommy kissing their boo-boos is weird and totally out of the question. Believe me they still think I have some sort of magical power that can make everything turn out okay, but kissing boo-boos…well, not so much.

I don’t know exactly when my kisses lost their “magical” power or when the healing strength seemingly yielded to an innocent looking box of Band-Aids, but it did. Now whenever the blood is flowing or the cut is just too deep to be worn as a tattoo, a Band-Aid is pulled out, put on, and the healing power begins its work.

At my age, when I experience things that hurt me, instead of reaching for the coveted box of plastic strips, I tend to wrap myself up in my own type of bandage giving myself time to heal.

When the trials of life come at me slowly and infrequently I can recover easily.  A little personal pampering is usually all it takes. Maybe a manicure, a pedicure, or stopping for a special cup of coffee will give me the boost I need to persevere.

But there are other times when the darts are rapidly fired and I fall flat on my face. The more darts that hit their mark the more tightly I wind myself up.  I begin to feel like Lazarus. Wrapped up in my own emotions and struggles, my own sort of grave clothes and stuck behind a large rock which I cannot move on my own.

My Bible will lay unopened on my table and I will wonder why I cannot hear God’s voice. My prayer life is replaced with a pity party as I sink deeper into my own feeling of helplessness. Communication with fellow believers becomes non-existent so I won’t even hear Godly advice and direction from fellow Christian sisters and brothers.

As I try to drag myself out of the tomb I created for myself, I realize my sinful pride is holding me down. I keep trying to solve my own problems rather than bring them to the throne of grace. Once I humble myself and realize that I cannot fix things on my own, I turn my eyes to Jesus. Jesus alone can drag me out of the muck and He is always ready, willing and able to do the job.

Jesus, our dear sweet Lord, calls me out of my tomb. Jesus calls MY name and tells me to come out of the dark hole I have found myself in.

John 11:44a When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.”(NIV)

Our loving Father wants us to live outside of the tomb of sin, unwrapped from our own foolish pride, walking in the light of His word. Jesus continually calls our name encouraging us to emerge from being bound up to experience the freedom of knowing that our sins are forgiven. It is then that we know that we are redeemed not condemned.

John 8: 2-11 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

 At this those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 

“No one, sir,” she said.  

“Then neither do I condemn you.” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”(NIV)

What a beautiful example of being set free from a self-made tomb of sin. This woman was caught in adultery and the punishment was stoning. She was going to die. Jesus saw how wrapped up she was in her sinful life style and He erases all of it…no questions asked…and gives her new life. This woman comes alive again, just like Lazarus. This same freedom is what Jesus wants all of us to experience.

Listen again to another part of the story of Lazarus.

John 11:44b Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”(NIV)

One by one my bandages fall limply to the ground and I rediscover God’s faithful promises in His word and sacrament. My soul is rejuvenated through prayer and words of encouragement from my friends. Wings are given to my soul through worship with fellow believers in Christ. I am renewed, refreshed, and strengthened through the power of Christ.

It is then that I am healed. It is then that my broken heart becomes whole again. It is then that Jesus can once again do His miraculous work with someone who is just so unworthy.

Linda Guteres

May, 2016

 

Featured image graciously shared by Jo-Ann Stevens Valenti 

Dinner Time

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To anyone else it may have seemed like a normal dinner with all six of us laughing as we sat around a table full of partially eaten dinners and half-filled cups of iced tea. But I knew differently, I knew this was a blessing from God.

You see, Rob and I have four sons. With all our different opinions, personalities, schedules, etc. it is close to impossible to have a dinner with all of us present, not arguing, and enjoying each other’s company. Usually our meals consist of bickering (or as my husband likes to call it “healthy debates”), complaints about the food, or venting about the day’s trials and tribulations.

But this night was different, it was special. Tonight there was a peace that descended around us like a cloud and for whatever reason we were blessed to have an enjoyable meal together. I don’t even remember what food was served that night, but everyone ate to their full. The conversations kept erupting into joyous laughter and no-one picked on anyone else. My family was happy just being together and it touched my heart.

I sat in my chair and watched the scene as if viewing it from the outside of a frosty window pane. The memory that is embedded in my heart is bordered with a hazy soft glow of love. This precious moment was not a happenstance occurrence but a true blessing from God and I was praising Him deeply in my heart for it.

Being a Mom, I can think of no greater joy than having my children love each other and enjoy each other’s company. All mothers want our children to “play nice,” and “say nice things,” to and about each other. We want our children to love each other just as much as we love them.

Doesn’t this mirror what God wants for His children too? God wants His children, you and I, to get along, to play nice, and to say nice things about each other. God wants us to sit around our tables and enjoy each other’s company, to eat together, to share our lives with one another, and to bear each other’s burdens.

Jesus also calls us to join Him at His table, to share the meal of His body and His blood. That special meal with His disciples was where Jesus chose to be to precede His agonizing journey to the cross. Jesus says, “Do this in remembrance of me.” (See Luke 22:19-20)

But even before we are to share in His meal, Jesus tells us to settle our disputes with our brothers first-before we come to Him.

Matthew 5:23-24 NIV “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

Jesus wants to watch His children to live, grow, and love each other and to experience joy in this world. He wants only good things for us and He wants us to know that these gifts are from Him. Jesus wants to love us and He wants us to love one another. 

My hope is that my family and I can experience His love and joy together. I want many, many more of these joyous moments just being together. I pray that we can all grow closer to one another and also grow in our relationship with Jesus Christ; that we can share our meals-whether around our dinner table or His-knowing that we are truly loved by Him and by one another.

Linda Guteres

My Shy Father

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My father was extremely shy.  Dad was so shy that he blushed when anything risque was mentioned or a discussion included a description of a “private” body part.  Dad’s cheeks turned red when mom said we were having roasted chicken breasts for dinner.  My sister and I would tease him by saying “sex” just to see his face turn red.  If we discussed our “time of the month,” Dad would leave the room.  Looking back, I wonder how my Dad survived living in a house filled with women and a female cat.

One particular day as Dad was driving to work, it was pouring rain and commuter traffic had slowed to a crawl.  As cars inched forward, Dad noticed a woman on the side of the road waving him down.  A bit intrigued, Dad steered the car in her direction even though she didn’t look familiar.  He had every intention of just lowering the window to see what she wanted.  Since the windows in the car weren’t automatic, Dad reached over to crank it open but the handle wasn’t there.  The strange wet woman had pulled open the door, plopped down on the seat and closed the door behind her.  Beside the fact that Dad now had a strange wet woman in his car, his hand was stuck under her bottom.

Dad had no choice other than to wrench his hand free, put that same hand firmly on the steering wheel and keep his eyes staring straight ahead.  Dad was in a state of shock. He couldn’t participate in the conversation she had with herself  nor could Dad comprehend the situation. Dad could not get past the knowledge that his hand had just been buried under a stranger’s seat.

When they finally arrived at her destination and she got out of the car, Dad’s umbrella fell out and splashed into a curb-side puddle.   The stranger picked up the soaked umbrella, thanked my Dad for the ride and tossed the soggy parasol onto his passenger’s seat.

It took awhile for Dad’s heart rate to return to normal but he did survive.  Dad learned to drive with his doors locked, not to stop for strangers and to “all-ways” keep his hands on the steering wheel.

Linda Guteres

May, 2016

Cookies vs. Meat

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The last bits of mascara melted off my eyelashes as I took out the last tray of Christmas cookies. I really don’t like making cookies; they are too laborious for me. Making Christmas cookies once a year is enough. My favorite “cookie” is a nice, juicy steak, a fluffy mountain of glistening mashed potatoes covered in about a gallon of good old-fashioned lumpy beef gravy.

Don’t get me wrong! I really like cookies—eating them that is. Cookies are delicious and some are even beautifully decorated. It is rare that I pass up a plate of cookies without popping one of them into my mouth. I mean, come on now; how can flour, butter, and sugar mixed together really taste bad? But my problem with eating cookies is that they never really fill me up. And believe me, I have tried! In some of my “finer” moments, I have tried eating cookies to the point of being satisfied, but I always come away sick to my stomach, unfulfilled and nauseous.

But when I sit down to a juicy, perfectly grilled steak with a side order of any type of potato you can imagine, I know my hunger will be satisfied. My belly is happy it has something to digest. I am full and satisfied.

This is a good reflection of my own walk with God. As a child, I accepted what was told and taught to me by my Sunday School Teachers, Pastor, and my own parents. I drank in the sweetness of knowing that Jesus loved me because the Bible told me so. In my early adolescence I read the bible from cover to cover and got a taste of a deeper appreciation of the Word, but I never really studied the Bible any depth.

Then my teenage years hit. I tried to sustain my faith on my own knowledge of God that wasn’t very strong because I hadn’t really eaten any of the “meat” of His Word. I survived those years, but looking back I made a lot of bad choices with a lot of bad results that may have been avoided if I was only stronger in my walk with God.

As my faith grows, I find myself hungering to know more about God. I want to study His Word, to grasp His message, and to try to understand Him. I want to sit at His table and devour the Word that He has left me. There really is nothing I enjoy better than to work on trying to understand a passage of Scripture, and then to finally “get” it! These “meals” plant the seeds that root themselves down deep in my soul and my “branches” of faith begin to bloom and grow.

And then, at those times when life spins out of control, when tragedy hits and eating a full meal is impossible and all I can think of is, “Jesus loves me, this I know,” knowing this-that Jesus loves me-IS enough. I have eaten at His table, I have been filled with His Holy Spirit, and I am satisfied.

 

Further points to ponder:

1Pet 2:1-3 (NIV) Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.

What does the statement, “Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk,” mean to you?

Do you think that malice, deceit, hypocrisy, envy and slander diminish as we grow in our salvation? Why do you think this is so?

 Heb 5:11-14 (NIV) We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food. Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

Where are you in your Spiritual life?

What areas in your bible study life are strong and what areas are weak?

What plans can you begin to implement to make your bible study life stronger?

1 Cor 3:1-2 (NIV) Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly-mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly, for since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men?

This verse implies that our actions and possible reactions to others should change as we mature in our faith in Christ.

Do you feel that you have changed since knowing Jesus? How?

What areas do you think need more change? Why?

Linda Guteres

 

Hungry? Then eat!

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I am really getting tired of all the diet commercials on television these days. I mean, come on! When did hunger become a sin? When did eating ANYTHING become an act of undisciplined gorging? How come every other commercial on the television is a company trying to sell a drug or a food that helps us “fight hunger?” Give me a break!

Being truly hungry is the evidence of something missing from our lives. Sometimes the missing piece is a well-balanced meal. But if you are like me, sometimes the missing piece is something that I cannot easily explain….sort of like an itch that I cannot scratch or an ache I cannot soothe.

The Word of God is the one and only “food” which we can “eat” that will truly satisfy and fulfill our needs and desires. The Word is where God speaks to us and through which He guides our thoughts and desires. When we do not eat of His Word, we become lost and possibly struggle with earthly things which will never truly satisfy or make us complete.

If we over indulge eating food, we get into trouble. But even if we “pig out” with the Bread of Life we will only gain a closer relationship with Jesus Christ. Our itches will feel scratched, our desires will be met, and our minds will be made clear when we read and pay attention to His Word.

When we are hungry for the Word we are on the right track and should eat richly from His table. Within the pages of scripture you will find that you are loved, cared for, redeemed, and renewed. You will find joy and hope, your faith will grow and your knowledge of God will increase. All your hungry needs will be satisfied and you will be filled with good things.

Just listen to some of the “hungry” verses from the Bible:

Psalm 107:8-9 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things. 

Luke 1:53 He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty.

John 6:35 Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty

May all of us hunger be for a closer, deeper relationship with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. May we eat of His rich blessings, drink deeply of his life giving water, and may we all be filled to the brim with His cup of blessings that overflow with His love for us.

Linda Guteres

 

Caught With My Pants Down

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We were traveling to visit my sister in Pennsylvania.  Chris was 4 and Billy was 2 both securely strapped in their seats in the back of my car.  I was driving and Aunt Anna was co-piloting in the front.  It was a beautiful day for a drive except our car hadn’t moved for about 20 minutes and there didn’t seem to be any chance things would be changing anytime soon.

For anyone familiar with the Belt Parkway in New York you know that its drawbridge can cause tremendous traffic backups and this was one of those days.  We were stuck waiting for the bridge to lift, the ship to sail through, the bridge to be lowered back into place, and the traffic to begin to flow.

This wouldn’t have been a problem except that we had been on the road for over an hour and I had just finished a 2-liter bottle of water.  Normally we would have been on the New Jersey Turnpike and the first rest area would have been within my field of vision.  But now we were nowhere near any place that I could take care of business.

I tried, really I did, to forget about my situation, but the more I tried to ignore this feeling of fullness the more my brain told me that I had to go.

If I had hit a bump, sneezed, or even began to giggle things would have taken their own course and it would not have been pretty.  My back teeth were floating and my bladder was going to explode.

Something had to be done.

I edged the car over to the slow lane, onto the shoulder of the road and then stopped.  I walked over to the passenger side of the car, opened both doors, stood between them both, and then prepared myself to relieve the pressure in my kidneys.

Aunt Anna began to laugh.  The boys just looked at me with a very inquisitive look on their faces.  I began to feel relief and thought that all was once again right with the world.

That’s when I heard it.  Thwop, thwop, thwop of helicopter blades.

To my left I saw a low flying police helicopter on the horizon that was heading straight for me.  Sweat immediately began to bead on my forehead as this big flying hunk of metal came nearer and would be directly over my car in seconds.

What the heck was I going to do?  I mean really?  Was I supposed to stop things mid-stream and hope for the best?  No!  I had to complete the task at hand regardless of the outcome.   I turned my head toward the ground and continued to concentrate.

By this time Anna was laughing hysterically and the boys started to ask, “Mommy, what are you doing?”

Ignoring my passengers,  I looked left to see the position of the helicopter when I noticed a blue and white car with flashing red lights pulling up the shoulder of the road.  Could this really be happening to me?  I was going to literally be caught with my pants down and arrested for public indecency!

I struggled to stand up straight and as I was pulling up the zipper of my pants which, of course, got stuck, as the police car drove right past our car.  Relief washed over me!  I was in the clear!

But as luck would have it,  the police car stopped about 500′ in front of my car, the backup lights came on, and in seconds was in line with my car.  My zipper struggle continued as I attempted to act as suave as possible.  The policeman stepped out of his car, looked over at me, and asked, “Is everything all right here, ma’am?”

Trying to keep my cool and pretending that nothing was out of the ordinary, I calmly said, “Yes, officer everything is fine.” And then I immediately changed the subject and asked, “What’s all this traffic about?”

As he explained about the drawbridge, I thanked him for the information, got back in my car, and vowed never to drink while driving again!

Linda Guteres

May, 2016