Revelation 3:15 (NIV)
15 I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other!
These are the exact words I want to scream at my body right now! For two weeks I’ve experienced hot flashes-heat so high you could fry an egg on my forehead. Through the night bed covers are on, off, then on again causing me to feel as though I’m on a tanning bed, in Alaska, then a dessert, then on a ski slope; a carousel of body temperature changes continuing through the night. To my surprise my husband hasn’t kicked me out of bed yet!
It’s hard enough to deal with these changes in the privacy of my bedroom, but today I “flashed” while I was speaking to my assistant director. I could feel my face as it turned as red as the apple the wicked witch offered Snow White. Mercifully I didn’t start to visibly sweat. She may have thought I was guilty of something.
Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV)
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
All kidding aside I knew this would happen, I just didn’t know when. I realize this the turning of yet another page in my life and I’m unsure of where this next chapter will lead me.
Almost forty years ago my first big “page turner” was my high school graduation. Thirty-two years ago it was marriage to my husband, Rob. Almost twenty-five years ago, motherhood to four sons began. Once again a new chapter is unfolding before me.
This new episode finds me struggling to make decisions; what to do, where to go. I’m confessing; while my body might be flashing and freezing, my soul seems to be lukewarm. During the “down and dirty” stages of raising our sons, my only goal was to survive. I coveted time alone. (Yes I said covet. I know that coveting is a sin, but just go with me on this OK?) Time for just me, no-one else-even if it was just to use the bathroom by myself or to sleep alone in my bed without a child kicking me throughout the night. Now that this “alone time” is here, I am stymied at what to do with it.
So what do I do? I pray.
Psalm 37:7 (a) Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.
I pray for wisdom, clear vision and discernment. I pray to hear God’s voice and I wait, patiently (well OK…sometimes not so patiently), to hear His direction for my life. I continue to worship, to read the Bible, surround myself with Christian friends and music, and I try to be still. My hope is securely fashioned to His promise of having a special plan just for me.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I am intrigued as I anticipate what God has in store for me next. My future is in His hands and I’m very grateful that I don’t have to control anything. All I have to do is to be ready, willing and able to listen, hear, and respond to His commands.
As I cope with my fluctuating body temperature, I’m prepared to be astounded by the new phase God has in store for me. Even though patience isn’t a skill that I would list on my resume’, I will wait for God’s timing and to listen to His commands.
Hopefully I will not combust in the process.